Michele O'Mara, PhD
Lesbian Relationship Coach,
Counselor, Wife and Mom
Kristen O'Mara
Director of all things fun and delicious -
Adventures in Love. (And the spice to my rice)
We provide lesbian couples with relationship transforming experiences.
Growing up, we learn how to communicate with the most important people in our lives – our caregivers; the people on whom we rely for our survival. Usually, these are our parents. Sometimes, we have other important people in our lives, like siblings, grandparents, or other family or friends.
By the time you become self-sufficient and no longer rely on your caregivers for survival, you have developed habits of communication that are hard-wired in your nervous system.
Your nervous system is concerned about one thing and one thing only: your survival. As a result, any time you sense emotional danger (hurt, distrust, rejection, abandonment, etc.) you are wired to react without thinking. This is unconscious and automatic, and it happens quickly.
Healthy relationships require emotionally-regulated systems. In relationships, we are responsible for understanding one another’s nervous system. In love, our nervous systems are in constant communication – sending cues of danger or cues of safety. Eighty percent of what is transpiring between you and your partner is influenced by your nervous system’s perception of safety or danger.
When your system interprets danger, you automatically move into self-protective reactions. When you sense cues of safety, you are able to relax, be playful and let your guard down.
Effective communication requires an accurate understanding of automated reactions and conscious efforts to change this wiring. The good news is, you CAN change the automated reactions that are hardwired in your nervous system by doing small things over and over. The key is to do the right small things.
Available Services
Relationship Transforming Vacations for Lesbian Couples who Want Rapid Results
Coaching and counseling for lesbian couples seeking an experienced, knowledgeable and lesbian-affirming (and identifying) provider.
A 6-week online course in communication that couples say they made more progress in this course than they did in one to three years of couples counseling.
Lesbian Sexuality
* Free Download *
The research discussed in this report summarizes Michele O’Mara, Ph.D.'s findings after conducting an extensive survey with 498 lesbians about their sex lives and intimate relationships. This research aimed to determine the correlation between the frequency with which lesbians have sex and their relationship satisfaction by answering these questions:
- How do lesbians define sex?
- What are contemporary lesbians doing sexually?
- How frequently do lesbians have sex?
- How satisfied are lesbians with their relationships?
Featured In
Testimonials
Michele's brilliance, Kristen's big huge heart, the portal communication, and the casual feel, all made it so wonderful.
- Andrea, Salt Lake
City, UT
Kelly - Portland, OR
I learned more about functional couples communication in one weekend than I have in over thirty years of working in the mental health field! I feel so fortunate to have attended during the early phases of a relationship so we can use the tools to lean into this love with confidence! THANK YOU!!
Your direct and assertive feedback was helpful as well as how you were modeling the skills you were teaching.
C. Z. - Portland, OR
Jade - Phoenix, AZ
Hands down, must do. No questions asked!! Very helpful tools and very simple ways to apply. It was like a year of couples counseling in one weekend, with concrete examples, tools, and help. We tackled hard conversations in what seemed impossible before, in 3 days, with ease and with help and guidance. It felt so welcoming, and helped us work through our "problems" by learning from others. Loved it!
Deanna, Sacramento, CA
We've been getting couples coaching from Michele for a few months now, so I already knew she was an amazing counselor prior to attending the retreat. I had high expectations, but was still caught completely by surprise by the transformative power of this experience.
A feeling of fun, safety, and inclusion. Michele is highly skilled,real, and compassionate.
Gwen - Washington
Kimberly Meyer, Belleville, IL
It’s worth every penny and hands down the best relationship information we’ve received.
It was an awesome experience. We learned practical approaches to some of our most common communication obstacles. I truly went from feeling very alone, to feeling like a part of a larger whole all working to become better couples.
- Hillary Pesson - Memphis, TN
HOW STRONG IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
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With this 18-question assessment, you will discover the strength of your Lesbian Love Codes.
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These codes, as described above, are the fundamentals of a healthy, satisfying in relationship.
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Get a free report that describes what you are doing well as well as where you need to up your game.
Common Questions
About Michele O'Mara, PhD
Dr. Michele O'Mara is a licensed clinical sexologist, relationship expert, and author based in Indiana, USA. She received her Ph.D. in Clinical Sexology from the American Academy of Clinical Sexologists and has over 20 years of experience in mental health.
Dr. O'Mara specializes in helping individuals and couples navigate relationship issues, focusing on supporting the LGBTQ+ community, especially lesbian couples. She is dedicated to promoting diversity, inclusivity, and affirmative therapy practices.
Along with her wife, Kristen, Dr. O'Mara provides relationship-transforming retreats for lesbian couples in various locations throughout the US and abroad. She has also developed an approach to intimate communication called "The Art of Wholehearted Communication," which she teaches through her online course of the same name.
Dr. O'Mara is the author of "Just Ask: 1,000 Questions to Grow Your Relationship," a book that provides practical guidance for couples to deepen their connection and understanding of each other. She is a member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) and is dedicated to promoting diversity, inclusivity, and affirmative therapy practices.
In addition to her Ph.D. in Clinical Sexology, Dr. Michele O'Mara has several certifications and training, including:
- Certified Imago Therapist: Imago therapy is a couples therapy approach that focuses on helping couples understand and heal childhood wounds that may affect their relationship dynamics.
- Certified Discernment Counselor: Discernment counseling is a type of counseling that helps couples considering divorce or separation explore their options and decide about the future of their relationship.
- Trained on all 3 Levels of the Gottman Method: The Gottman Method is a couples therapy approach developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, which emphasizes the importance of building a strong foundation of friendship and intimacy in relationships.
- Trained with Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): EFT is a couples therapy approach that helps couples identify and change negative patterns of interaction, focusing on creating a secure emotional bond.
- Trained ART Therapist: ART stands for Accelerated Resolution Therapy, a type of therapy that uses rapid eye movements to help clients process traumatic memories and experiences.
What are your credentials?
Education
- Ph.D. in Clinical Sexology from the American Academy of Clinical Sexologists (2012) Dissertation on the Correlation between Sexual Frequency and Relationship Satisfaction among Lesbians.
- Masters of Social Work from Indiana University-Purdue University (2002)
- Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) (2004)
Certifications and Additional Training
- Certified Imago Therapist (2005)
- Gottman Method trained - all three levels (2014)
- Trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) by Sue Johnson (2015 & 2020)
- Certified Discernment Counselor (2015)
- Trained Accelerated Resolution Therapist - ART Therapist (2022)
Resources and Publications
- Author of Just Ask! 1,000 Questions to Grow Your Relationship, which is also an app (ios) (android)
- Founder of Lesbian Adventures in Love (#lesbianloveadv) which offers relationship transforming vacations (lesbian couples retreats)
- Creator of The Art of Wholehearted Communication for Couples
Do you consider yourself a typical counselor?
Do you consider yourself a typical couples counselor?
No, not really.
I do not believe relationship care belongs in the mental health field.
Everyone struggles with relationships. They are complicated and involve fundamental skills that most of us were not taught.
Healthy relationships require emotionally-regulated systems. In relationships, our nervous systems are in constant communication – sending cues of danger or cues of safety. It is our job to understand one another’s nervous systems. This is not intuitive. Often, we need help in understanding how to do this.
When your system interprets danger, you automatically move into self-protective reactions. When you sense cues of safety, you are able to relax, be playful and let your guard down.
Effective communication requires an accurate understanding of automated reactions and conscious efforts to change this wiring. The good news is, you CAN change the automated reactions that are hardwired in your nervous system by doing small things over and over.
I'm not interested in labels, in picking sides, or rehashing our latest conflicts. I am interested in teaching you the fundamentals of healthy relationships and supporting you in doing the right small things, often.
How do we schedule a session with you?
My online scheduler is available at www.omaratime.com 24/7. If our schedules play well, you are welcome to grab a session. Couples sessions are 80 minutes ($225).
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